Utopia
by Royal Puppet Master
Summary: A perfect world can not exist. The utopia some dream for can never be a reality. Utopia is derived from the Greek Ou Topas meaning no place. A world without criminals is not perfect. A world without bad can not hold any good. M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

A.N./ I'm bored and this came to me after reading The Giver. It's an amazing book you should all read it. It reminded me of Death Note in how Light was trying to create a perfect world. The book scared the living hell out of me when I thought that human beings could accept that way of life. I would kill myself if that happened. If our lives went to being that way I would not be there. If I had to, I would kill everyone who decided to make it that way. There should not be anything like that ever. Anyway this is.... I don't know yet, but I will soon. After I type it below.

A perfect world can not exist. The utopia some dream for can never be a reality. Utopia is derived from the Greek Ou Topas meaning no place. A world without criminals is not perfect. A world without bad can not hold any good. A world where you can not be free to do as you wish is not a free world. A free world can not exist. Racial intollorance, gender intollorance, anything that is intollorated would not exist. You would only have people of one race, of one eye color, of one hair color, of one certain taste, of one everything. Nothing could be different and therefor all the same. There could not be any different colors nor shades as to not provoke the favortism of one shade or color over the other. That would not be able to happen. Everything would be a certain shade or color. Your thoughts could not be vocalized as no one else will be thinking the same way and therefor you thoughts are imperfect and not accepted. The way of life you would think to be perfect, a place without crime, simply can not exist. If in existence, our world would be out of existence. No one is better than another in a perfect world. No one is more favored. The person you would like better than another would not exist as all things must be the same to be perfect. No one could be favored more than another. This limits the world to only two people. One can not favor another more than that one other person therefor there can only be two people in a perfect world. Those two people may not comit crime nor intollorance against the other. Those two people may only see one color of one shade and nothing else. Those two people may not express their thoughts aloud. The two people must have the same finger print as to not be different to make them imperfect. This leaves only one person. That one person must repopulate the entire world which can not be done since there can only be one person at a time. That one person is imperfect for not being able to let the species continue and therefor that world is imperfect.

In my view, a perfect world does not exist. I am perfectly happy with my imperfect world now. Now, I'm beaten by the one I love everyday. Now, I'm ignored by the one I love except during those beating. Now, I'm left in a bloodied pulp lying on the floor until someone cares enough to move me out of the way. Now, I am the happiest person in the world because the one I love hates me so much. It may sound masochistic but it's true. I would rather be hated by the one I love rather than them not knowing or pretending not to know that I exist. Everyone here knows I exist. I'm number one. They're not. You take notice of those who are better than you. You take notice of those who are not the same as you. Those who are different. Yes, they know I'm there. They know I exist, but they choose not to acknowledge me. In truth, no one even cares that I'm here. No one except Mello. The way his icy blue eyes peirce into your spine is enough to drive you mad. I, in truth, would rather be mad than to not have those eyes staring at me. I would rather be insane than to not have me in his thoughts. I would rather be dead than to be ignored by such a perfect being. Though I did say there was not such a thing as a perfect world, there might be something close to it.

A world where Mello thinks only of me all of the time is a world that is almost perfect. He is almost a perfect being. Almost. Almost doesn't count and therefor he is not perfect but he is so close. His emotions could stimulate even the dullest person into livelyhood. His intelligence would shun you into silence with one word. His beauty oculd leave you gawking when he was already miles away before you recollected yourself. Yes, Mello is so close to perfect he could almost taste it but almost doesn't count so he can not. Mello will never taste the perfection he so desires more than anything in this world because of me. Because I am number one and he is number two he can never reach perfection. I will never allow that to happen. I don't care if I am tortured until I am dead. I will not let Mello surpass me even by one mark. I can not and will not let that happen. Even if it kills me. Mello may not be perfect while I'm in this world. When I die he may be as perfect as he wishes but until then, I will give my entire life to devoting myself to making sure he is imperfect. My almost perfect world depends on it.

"Near, sweety, come to the front and work this problem." The teacher called on me as usual. She has never once let me sit and think in silence. She wishes to brag to the other teachers of her perfect pupil. She does not comprehend that I am imperfect. That I am no where near perfect. I go up to the board anyway and write the correct answer. I can practically hear Mello's teeth grinding as he knows that the answer is correct. He does not like it when i answer the questions correctly. The more questions I answer correctly, the more Mello beats me. In fact, it's a win win for me.

"That's correct, Near. Mello, why don't you work the next problem?" I heard the teacher ask the uestion in the most fritened way. Mello was probably glaring at her. No one could withstand Mello's infinite glareNo one except me, that is. That doesn't matter though. Nothing matters as long as Mello is not perfect. My thoughts will be wandering like this until the end of class. I rarely pay attention to the teacher except on subjects I don't understand but no one must know I don't understand them. I am usually up until dawn studying like Mello. I'm always a step ahead of him. Mello may study all he wishes but if I am ahead by a page, I'm always ahead by that page and he shall never catch up because he has to read that page in order to catch up and by the time he reads that page I'm on the next one. It's like two steps forward and one step back.

Ding ding ding dong... Dong ding ding dong...

The bell rang and I collected my useless things. The only reason I needed to bring these thing s to class is to pretend I'm doing something for fourty minutes so the teacher does not give papers to grade. Though, I don't suppose that is a bad thing. Mello would probably beat me more if that happened. I shall consider doing that tomorrow as sort of an expeirement. Slowly I make my way to my bedroom. I look at the plain walls of Wammy's everyday and nothing changes. The same elegant yet dull pattern laces the walls throughout the whole building except in the bedrooms and offices. The bedrooms are all painted white. The offices are painted black. I have a hypothesis about that actually. I think the bedrooms are painted white to show how the children are messy and dirty and how they become clean when adults since adults do not mess up because you can not see the dirt on black walls. The only thing you would see was black even when looking at it hard. On white everything shows up. White is plain and boring. Ironically while saying this I am albino. I portray nothing but white. Some think white is pure but that is not true. White is evil. It represents all that you have done wrong. All the dirt that stains your white clothes. It represents how proper you are. I am white. Not in the sense of caucasion but literally white. I am white from the head to the toes and all of my clothes. My bedding is white. Everything I wear is white. I'm white all over. I'm evil in my own mind. My mind has never been pure. It is tainted with dark specks that you can see clearly if you only look. No one looks at me except Mello though. He is almost perfect. It makes sense that he should only wear black. So that no dirt can be seen because none is there. Mello is the perfect oppisite of me. Almost perfect and almost completely imperfect. Black and white. Emotional and a robot. Exact oppisites. I coul use many more similes but it would be a waste of time. You can see clearly our differences just by looking at us. I am ugly while Mello is beautiful. Something like me should never even be compared to him and yet I am everyday. Every waking moment of the day I am compared to Mello. Only by our ranks. Other than that, I'm off everyone's mind.

"Near." I look up from where I am walking to see Mello. His face is turned upward in a scowl and his glare is sent torwards me in a heartbeat.

"Mello." I simply nod to acknowledge his presense. I know this angers him but there is nothing more I could do tonot anger him. Plus, I've never been to flashy about acknowlodging other people.

"Damn it, Near! Why do you always do that? You're not better than me, so don't act like you are!" Mello burst into a full fit of rage. I can not say I didn't see this coming because this is our usual rutine. I can say however that it always amazes me when he says I think I'm better than him. He must not look in the mirror.

"I was not trying to make Mello angry." I stated the truth even though I knew this would only make Mello angrier. He always gets angry with me when I'm stating the truth. He takes it as an insult or something. I can not figure out what is going on in the blonde puzzle's head.

"Shut the fuck up, Near!" I did as Mello told and well in his own words shut the fuck up. I am not quite sure what makes him tick. It's all so confusing. Usually I can stop thinking about him for at least five minutes a day. Now my mind has taken that little realief from me. Mello invades my dreams. There is not once I stop thinking about him all of my day and it's the same with him. Knowing this little fact makes me filled with glee and I have yet uncovered why. I suppose that does not matter. I start to walk away from Mello seeing as how we can not hold a conversation if I am not speaking then there is no reason to stay any longer.

"Near! Wait up!" I stop to hear Mello calling for me. He never stops me when I leave so why now? Mello easily cover the short distance I had put between us with his long legs.

"Does Mello require anything?" I can see the scowl placed on his face. He thinks I know what he is going to say. I have absolutely no clue but that doesn't stop my acting.

"Grrr. The teacher, didn't you hear her on your way out?" I look at Mello. I haven't the slightest idea of what he's talking about. Teacher this and teacher that. I can barely even hear him through my own oggling. My deep gray eyes stare at his blue ones until he looks away.

"What does Mello mean?" I figure we're not going to get any where if one of doesn't stat talking soon and since Mello isn't giving any hints it's best if I start even if I've no clue as to what he's going to say.

"You know what. So, since we'll be working together... I want a good grade and I.... I... Forget it. Just meet me at the library at seven. Got it?" I nod. I understand the library part. I am just wondering what he was going to say before that. I shurg it off and go to my room. It's as white and plain as always. There are only specks of red dusting it in every corner. Everything is neat and tidy. Nothing can be out of place for when Mello comes by. If Mello has anything to grab and smash into my head it could very well mean jail time to him and a nie head stone for me. I don't want such a almost perfect being put in jail because of me. No, Mello deserves better than that. Mello deserves... he deserves someone better than me. That is why my feelings can never be spoken aloud. He would cut off all contact with me. Homosexual relationships are frowned upon by society. Mello is only imperfect by being second best. It would make sense if he was a heterosexual person. It is not as though he would care for me. I have nothing to do with him except beat him at everything. Well, except in physical appearance. I set myself down onto my bed and looked at the clock. 4:40 it read back at me. I have time to just sit here and sleep. I've never tooken a nap before so I suppose trying it once will not hurt.

I shut my eyes willing the darkness behind them to fill my sight. It reminded me of Mello. All of the blackness. All of that perfection wrapped up into one being. It's the most amazing thing god has ever done if there is a god. Mello seems to believe so. He also believes catholic priest don't molest little boys. The trials and evidence are there he is just unwilling to believe them. I for one do not believe in this so called god. There is no evidence to support their cause that god exist and you will go to Hell if you do not believe. I think that if god truly existed he would not send you into a terrible place filled with torture for not believing in him. That is just my point of view though. I am often critisised for it. It is hard to believe that a orphanage full of genius children believe in god. Most of the children here do. I think it's because they want something to believe in. They want something to punish the people or person who killed their parents. They want a Hell as much as Heaven. They want the angels and their parents to look at them and see how good they're doing. That is all they want. They don't truly believe in this so called god. It's just a way to comfort their little minds. Something to tell them it will all be alright in the end. It won't be. Nothing will ever turn out right for them. Wammy's house was built on blood. Only murderers and suicide victims ever make it out. The only reason we strive to be L is because we don't want to be in those two catagories. I for one will fall into the suicide victims catagory when Mello leaves. The only thing that has kept me from slitting my throat is Mello. Alot of children are the same. They believe that Mello will fall into the third catagory. He will make it out of here like L and become a symbol of justice. He will put his friends in jail. He will watch his other friends leap from buildings. He will live on and be one of the only ones who ever make it out of this god forsaken place without being tainted. He will become just like a god. He will be praised and worshipped. That is what will happen for Mello.

I slowly drifted from my thoughts into a dream land. All my dreams ever consist of nowadays is Mello. This time we're playing in a feild. The blue skies above us and the green grass below. It's the perfect picture. If there is a Utopia out there, I truly hope that I can find it. I truly hope that it is something along the lines of this. Mello and I running through a field with no hate. With no sadness. Just an everlasting happiness and love. That is a Utopia I wouldn't mind seeing. Of course it completely disregards my previous assumptions of how a Utopia does not exist. I do not care however. I would rather be fooled into thinking this was the Utopia than to go on believing that there wasn't one. I can not do that. My rational mind will not let my irrational mind into power to think of such lovely things. Only in my dreams are my wishes ever seen. Only in my dreams can I truly be happy.

A.N./ Alright, that was somewhat short. Everyone knows that my little Near is a cutie. I have trouble writing in first person because I want to put Mello's point of view in. So, I've devised a way to do that. I will put Mello's point of view in the next chapter. Haha! That is as far as my genius goes. I hope you all like it and please review. I like reviews they inspire me to write more. I have the anonomous review thing where you can review anonomously so if you don't have an account you can review. Or if you're too lazy to long in. I would like to know if you all enjoy it so far. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I do own Nia. No, I don't. I don't own Nia either. I wish I did...

A.N./ I'm going to try and put Mello's point of view in this chapter. It will try and be in first person again. I'm not good at writing in first person so forgive me. I am pleased by the two reviews I have. Thank you PrincessPika and im a molly doll. I hope you all will review again and any others will too. I'll try to keep Mello in character but romance has to happen one way or the other.

I've been sitting in the library for an hour waiting for that snowflake to come in. I told him to meet me at the library at seven not eight or nine or whenever the Hell he plans to come. ...I shouldn't think like that. I blame those damned teenage hormones though I shouldn't be attracted to him in the first place. He's not attrative in the least. He's albino! A very cute albino. No, Near is not a cute albino. That stupid rabbit. I hate him. I hate him. I HATE HIM. No, I don't. I should just confess to him already. No, can't do that. I'm straight. Being with another guy is absolutely repulsive. I wish I could convince myself of that. I may be one of the most amazing actors in the world, I am the most amazing actor in the world, but I can't convince myself that I'm straight. I have convinced the rest of the world though. That's enough for me. My eyes drift over to the clock. 9:42 P.M. Great. I've wasted the whole evening waiting for the stupid sheep. I get up off the uncomfortable library chair, you would think that a rich orphanage like this one could afford better chair, and make my way to the door. I'm not waiting around for that stupid squiral anymore. I'll just give him the beating of a life time tomorrow.

My way to my room is silent unlike usual. Usually I'm surrounded by my group of 'friends'. That's what they call themselves anyway. The only true person who's my friend is Matt. Hell, I don't even know his real name. He doesn't know mine either but still, best friends should at least know each other's names.... right? Maybe in some other place. Not here. It's too dangerous here. We're competing to be the next L. I'm going to be the next L no matter what. That cock succer can go fuck himself if he thinks he'll be number one. I may be second best now but I'll beat that little bastard. I don't give a damn if I have to use criminal means to do it. I will win no matter what the cost. Smack! You know, it's a good idea to stop walking when you get to your door. I rub my nose to make the pain become less evident. I open the door this time instead of trying out my magical abilities. I set down on my bed.

Thinking might be useful though I know my thoughts always return to one place. They always return to Near. I've nothing else to think about except Near and how I'll beat him. I have to beat him. I have to become the next L. If I don't... There are three catagories for Wammy's kids. Catagory one is suicide. Catagory two is murderers. Catagory three is L. The catagories go back to when Wammy's first started. Back to A, B, and L. You would think the next letter would be C. A was catagory one and tried to fly. B was catagory two and tried to beat L. L is catagory three. He's the greatest detective in the world. He's the only one of us who has ever made it out unscathed. The truth is, most of Wammy's kids are put into catagory one. The rest are usually murderers. I don't want to be a murderer and I am not going to comit suicide. The only other catagory is L. That is the real reason I have to beat Near. I have to. It's a matter of jail, life, or death.

I didn't notice at first, but the hate I had for him turned into pity. The pity turned into interest and interest turned into a form of twisted love. I love and hate him at the same time. I love everything about him and yet have to hate it at the same time. I mentioned before I have to beat him. I can't be friends with him. I can't no matter how much I want to. The need to survive is much stronger. Maybe someday though. Maybe Near won't fall into the other two catagories. Maybe he'll make a new catagory. That would be my perfect world. The world that doesn't exist. The world that can't exist. No, it can't exist as long as Wammy's is still here. Not as long as this living Hell is still in place and taking new applicants everyday. My Utopia can not exist in this reality. My Utopia can only exist in my dreams. That's not good enough though. I want more than to just dream about Near and I living together! It's impossible though. My dreams can never be a realtiy.

"God..." I felt my eyes slipping shut already. They wanted to go to my perfect world. They wanted to go to the world where Near and I were together. I nodded off. My mind willing itself into dreamland.

"Near, tell me again." I was cuddling Near on the couch. This is my heaven. My Utopia. The only place I can truly be happy. He was looking at me with those big, puppy dog eyes. He was such a cutie.

"Mello, I love you." I've had this dream a thousand times. It never changes except for the setting but it's the same general dream. Near and I together and he'll say I love you and I will too.

"I love you too my Near." I leaned in and kissed him. I always am longing for those delicate, pink lips when I wake up but for now I enjoy them. The dream seems mushy and all but I can't help it. This is the only way I know it's a dream. Nothing like this can happen in the Hell I live in.

"-ells... Mells! Hey, Mells wake up!" I could hear Matt's voice as my perfect world faded away.

"Nng?" My eyes slowly drifted open to reveal a red headed gamer. I shifted to sit up.

"G'morning sunshine!" His voice was unusually cheery. A thought struck me. What catagory did Matt fall into? The gamer was always cheery and never showed a hint of sadness. That excluded catagory one. He wasn't trying to be L. That discarded catagory three. The only other catagory was two...

"Matt..."

"Mello." I looked him in his goggle covered eyes.

"You're catagory two." I said it straight out without a hint of question in my voice.

"I'm third best."

"You avoided the question."

"Pardon me, but I don't think that was a question." I nodded. It wasn't...

"Mells, I am but you don't need to know that." I nodded. I didn't but I did. I had to know that he wasn't going to kill himself. I had to know that I would be tracking him down later.

"I'm going to be tracking you down." He nodded. We knew what was to come. He knew I didn't fall into the other two catagories other than L. I knew he didn't fall into the other two catagories besides becoming a murderer. I laid back down. This was my life and I couldn't get away from it. I sat up in a cheery mood again. I did say I was one of the best actor, could be argued that I am the best.

"Well, let's get some breakfast." He nodded and we went to the kitchen. People on all sides of the hallway were waving and greeting me cause I'm just that awesome. My traditional clothing trademarked who I was. No one else dressed this way. No one else could pull off leather and still look masculine. That's just how cool I am. We made our way through the breakfast line. Everyone moved out of my way so I could be first like always. Chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate. My breakfast like always. No one touches my chocolate. I would rather die. Heh, that could put me into catagory one. I sat down with Matt at our usual table. It was away from the luch room monitors. Yes, we had those. They kept kids from killing kids and from killing themselves. At least one person killed themselves each day though. It was a reguler occurance at Wammy's house. Yesterday Linda killed herself, supposedly. Matt was in a relationship with Linda a while ago and when your girlfriend up and kills herself you're usually sad. Matt was the exact oppisite which made you wonder about whether Linda did kill herself or not. Maybe it was just me. Maybe...

"Mello..." I looked up and had the sight of the sheep.

"Near." I spit the words out. I had to act like normal which meant throwing a huge bitch fit.

"Mello, I am sorry that I missed our whatever we were supposed to do in the library." My eyes weren't on him anymore. They were on a kid named Jay. He was freaking out. Screaming something about the bugs trying to eat his brain. It was quite a humorous sight if Mello didn't know what was coming next. He stabbed a knife into his throat. I looked away as the blood started gushing out of his neck. I looked back at the albino. The perfect white that stood before him looked like an angel compared to the seen unfolding behind him.

"Near, just come for me tonight, okay?" I could tell my words seemed almost gentle and yet perverted at the same time. A big difference compared to my usual tone with him. I could see him blushing.

A.N./ This chapter really suck but I'm trying to watch a movie and write this at the same time. There is alot of repeating words. I credit this to my terrible point of view in Mello's shoes. It is probably because I'm nothing like him. So, I'm sorry if Mello is completely OC and not any good at all. :( Please forgive me and keep reading because it will be Near's point of view in the next chapter. I'm probably going to do it like that. Near, Mello, Near, Mello, and so on... 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I just bought Burst Angel or Bakuretsu Tenshi.

A.N./ I am sitting here with a head ache. Tomorrow is election day so now school. I have a thesaurus open and am looking up a few words that could be better described. Okay, I will try to add extra spaces to the dreams because I am too lazy to go and put them in italics. If you hold down both shift keys and push another button, nothing comes up.

I couldn't help but blush when Mello said those words. It... I... His words were gentle and perverted at the same time. I knew my mind should not venture to those unseen places while awake. Mello is surely straight. He is almost perfect. The only thing making him imperfect is that he is second best in knowledge. I must add the last part because he comes in first at everything else. I walked away from him and ignored the seen unfolding beside me as I passed it. No use in seeing a normal occurance.

I sat back down at my table. I only called it mine because all of the other orphans refuse to sit with me and at this table at all because I sit here. Thus, the table is mine. Not in all technicallities though. If I were being technical I would say that the table is the property of Wammy's house. I stared down at the white table. A thought suddenly struck me. Does Mello want me to meet him at the same time I was supposed to last night? In all rational thinking I would assume yes, but this is Mello. Mello is inconsitent to the rational way of thinking. For all I know, Mello might want to meet me at midnight. That is irrational though. The library only stays open until eleven or so. I could assume that Mello would like me to meet him before then. Since we don't have classes today, it is Saturday, I opted to just wait in the library after luch until Mello arrived.

I got up from my lunch table and made my way down these cursed hallways once again to the library. This wasn't a normal library. It was like that library in Africa, the one that burnt down that held all of the books. In short, the library is quite large. That would be putting it mildly though. I shall not go into great detail of the many rows of books that fill your sight as you walk into this monster of research. I looked around. There were several empty tables but I chose one in the back that could be seen from walking in but was not near to the other occupants. I hardly come to this paper monster for it has hardly any use to me. When I was younger than now, I am still quite young, I read all of the books here. Reading them again is not something I would like to do again.

I looked at the door. It opened revealing a red head. Not the person I was hoping for but not an all together bad thing. Matt was one of the only tollerable people in this god forsaken place. He kept to himself and did not bother me that much. He only put in his opinion when Mello was around and spouting some nonsense. He kept a rational mind when Mello started beating me. Apparantly he had enough sense to be on look out for his buddy while Mello had his civil time with me. Matt had brains. I suppose that is why he was number three but I don't care for him much. I only envy him. I am not jealous of him. Jealosy is pertains to emotional rivalry where as envy is resentment of a more fortuante person. Matt in this case is more fortunate. He gets to spend time in Mello's good graces everyday. He is with the one I can only dream about being with everyday. I am quite envious of Matt. It, of course, is not his fault that Mello has taken a fancy to him. I am not someone that would ever be taken a fancy of. I am just a plain, white pajama boy. I do not even fit into my own pajamas. They are quite loose but when I ask for more all I get is Roger laughing at me.

"Near, May I have a word with you?" I looked up to realize Matt was sitting beside me and talking to me.

"Yes, what is it that you require to talk about?" I respond casually. As casually as monotone can get.

"Well, I hear that you didn't show up yesterday when Mello set a, heh, study date." I looked at him. Mello did not set a study date. He told me to be in the library at seven. That is not a study date. I do not even know why he told me to be there.

"I do not know what you are talking about. Mello only told me to be in th library at seven. I fell asleep and did not make the appointed time as I had slept until morning." My explanation came out in simple terms. I am not quite sure of Matt's inteligence level so I kept a simple response.

"Whatever you say fluffy but Mello was bitching about it all thoughout breakfast. Just be sure to stay here until he arrives." I nod curtly. I was planning on doing that anyway. I am not a fan of making Mello angry. When Mello gets angry everything goes to hell if it's not already there. I suppose it is not a nice way to describe your crush but none the less it is true. Mello is a time bomb. His anger explodes without any notice. It is not that bad though. I would much rather deal with a hot headed person than a cool headed one who finally snaps. There the kind of people who sit and scream at the casheers everyday for not taking their day old coupon and then there are the casheers who take it day in and day out until they finally snap and shoot the whole store up. Mello is the customer. He is easier to please than the casheer. I would rather endure his beatings than to wait for a bomb to explode.

I look at the clock. 6:52 P.M. is what it read. I sighed. I had been sitting here since breakfast time doing absolutely nothing. I could even feel my mind trying to go back to my Utopia. My brain was forcing my eyelids closed as it searched for my one dream. For my one desire. I can't keep my eyes open for much longer. If Mello does come he is bound to do something to me while I sleep. It is very unfortuante that I can not stay awake to see it happen. I would love to be with Mello when in my concious mind instead of the unconcious one that is trying to take place. Mello...

"Mello, please, I want to hear it from your lips." I look into azure eyes and see them stare back into mine with complete... I don't know what it is but I know I like it.

"Near, I've told you a thousand times." He smiles at me.

"Please, just another time." He looks back down at me.

"Near, I love you." I smile. I can't help it. This is my Utopia. My wonderful perfect world. Though, it is not in definition perfect, it is close.

"I love you, Mello." I could feel something poking my head. ...This is not in my dream.

"Near, wake up. We have to do our project. I'm sorry I'm late just wake up." I could hear Mello's voice fill into my ears. My eyes fluttered open to reveal Mello only inches from my face. On instinct I jumped up from my chair immediatly regretting moving out of close range to Mello.

"M-mello?" He stared back at me with a smirk on his lips. I regain my composure quickly. I had not meant to show emotion. I am supposed to be a robot. Robot's do not have any emotion.

"Near, come here." Mello patted his thigh as he said it. I was utterly confused but opted to do as he said and walked over to him. I felt him grab my arm and pull me onto his lap. I am now quite sure that I am still dreaming. Nothing as wonderful as this could ever happen in real life. I looked into Mello's eyes. They were as happy as his lips were porteying.

"M-mello..." He snuggled his head into my neck and I couldn't help the blush that formed on my face.

"Near, you're soft." My head whipped around as Mello bit down onto my neck.

"Ah!" My mind was becoming blank. I couldn't think straight even if you paid me.

"Nnn... Mello..." He started sucking on my neck breaking blood vessles.

"Hah..." I'm sure there is a hickey there now that he has stopped. The blush that had been on my face previous to this deepened as I wriggled around on Mello's lap. This didn't feel like a dream. It felt real... I tried to get off of Mello but he held me tightly as if to say I wasn't going anywhere.

"Near, stop struggling. You're the one who said I love you." I stopped. He heard me. I was speaking outloud. I started struggling again to no avail. Mello was stronger than me.

"I... I.... P-please, let m-me g-go... hic..." I could feel the tears starting to pour from my eyes. I messed up. I ruined my only chance to ever fantasize about being happy. Mello will never want to come near me again. He's straight. He must think it very disgusting to have another of the same sex like him in a sexual way. It is not socially excepted. It's not right. I messed up. I ruined my life. I fI hadn't have fallen alseep then none of this would have ever happened.

My feet didn't even wait for my brain to command them as they led me back to my room without my consent, not that they needed it. I opened my door to reveal the white bedroom. Everything was mocking me. The whole world was against me today. I flopped down onto my bed and let loose all of my tears that had been building up until this day. Every last droplet of water would leave my eyes. My breathing quickened and I was finding it very hard to breath all of a sudden.

My mind could only process one thought, I ruined my Utopia. I ruined the only thing I still live for. The only thing that I still hope for. I ruined it with talking in my sleep of which I had not the knowledge that I had the ability to do so. If I had the knowledge of something of such importance, I would have never allowed my mind to work on it's own and fall asleep in a public place that I was meant to meet Mello in. It was my fault though. I was the one who did it. I was the one who ruined my life. I should just end it now while I still have the chance. I should just die.

A.N./ I can't write anymore. My head hurts too much. Please forgive the sucky chapter. Vote on my poll for my next story. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I just purchesed Burst Angel volume two. Or Bakuretsu Tenshi for those who know the japanese name. :) I have created the OC Thirty. I claim him. He's not very important though.

A.N. Woohoo. Mello's point of view. I suck at this but I need to write his point of view. It's compelling me to do so. Yes, It. No one knows who it is nor they. You can't tell they that I secretly rule the world. No, it's not them. Them is fine. They is the problem. I'm sorry my Mello is totally out of character and what not. I'm terrible at writing in his view... :( Alright, I don't often create OC's because frankly I hate them. It's fine as long as they're a side character though and they don't play a huge role. He kind of does but not really.

I heard him say that he loves me and then... I messed up. I just went and did as I pleased. He's only twelve. Of course he wouldn't be ready for something like that. It was so stupid of me. I made him cry. He might have said I love you but for all I know he was talking about as a brother or cousin or something! I didn't hear everything. I just walked in when he said I love you. He could have been talking about it in a family or friend way. I'm so stupid. I completely ruined my chance to confess to him. Hell, he might not have even accepted it but at least he would acknowledge my feelings. Now all he knows is that I'm some stupid pervert. I can't believe I was so stupid. I had planned out confessing to him and blew it. He'll never want to speak to me again.

"Near, I'm sorry..." The words left my mouth involuntarily. I never apologize to him. It doesn't matter that he's not here just that the words were said. I'm so stupid. I made him CRY. I should be apologizing to him. I have to. It's the proper thing to do and Roger has been getting on me about doing what's proper and what not. That's it. I'm going to apologize.

That's my last thought for the library as I'm standing outside of his door now. I don't know what to say. I've never really apologized for anything before. Hn... This is so stupid! I'm fucking second best and I can't come up with a god damned apology to some twelve year old! It shouldn't be this fucking hard...Ha! Fucking hard. Near... I damn. I'm blushing. I shouldn't be thinking of things like that. He's TWELVE. Despite the fact I'm two years older, twelve year old should not be having sex...even if they are the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life.

Knock knock knock.

"Near, are you in there? I wanna apologize." Apperantly my subconcious mind knows what's best because I had no idea I was doing that until the words came out of my mouth.

"M-mello?" I hear the door creak open and reveal a tiny white blob.

"Near, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I did that without thinking of your feelings. May I come in?" I looked at him in the eyes. He was so damned cute.

"Mello may come in." I blush. The thought of Near laid down before me begging me to take him did not just cross my mind.

"Thanks..." I walk into his room. The first thing I notice is that it's so plain. There are no posters or anything to make it different. It's just white. I like white. White is perfection. It's there to show you what you've done wrong and what it should look like. On black all you can see is the dirt. I'm dirty that's why I wear black. Near is a pure and innocent person that's why he's white. Not in the sense most people use caucasion as but literally white. His skin is free of any imperfections...except the hicky I left earlier.

"What was it Mello wanted?" I look over to him. His head is towards the ground. It looks as though he has no intention of looking at me through our meeting.

"Near, I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." He finally looks up at me and I can see the tears in his eyes.

"M-mello did nothing wrong. It was all my f-fault...hic... I sh-shouldn't h-have...hic... said I l-love him...hic...Mello d-doesn't see m-me th-that way...hic.." Tears started to stream down his eyes as he spoke. I could feel my heart screaming at me to make it stop. To do anything to make him stop crying.

"Near, do you honestly think it's your fault?" His head started nodding. I could feel my own eyes start to water at the sight of him. It was just so sad. He was supposed to be some emotionless robot. He's not supposed to cry. He's not supposed to be sad.

"Near, come here." He walks over to me slowly. I give him a well deserved hug. I can feel him snuggling into me.

"Near, It's not your fault."

Bang!

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here. Two little gay lovers." My eyes look to see number thirty. He doesn't deserve a name. He goes and picks on lower ranking number which there aren't very many lower than him. The ones lower than him are usually little kids and he's almost seveteen. I can't wait unitl he's eighteen and Roger is forced to kick him out. Not really forced but will be very willing to kick him out. He gives Roger more problems than I do and that's saying something.

"SHUT UP!" I glare at him. Usually my glare sends people running for the hills. The only people it doesn't is Near, the emotionless robot or so I thought, and idiots. Seeing as how Near is cuddled in my arms and thirty's not I can say he's not Near. That only leaves him being an idiot since he's not long gone by now.

"Tsk tsk. Pushy little princess aren't we? Or are you top?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MAN WHORE!" I've never really learned how to speak properly. Comes in handy sometimes.

"I just came to have a little fun." I roll my eyes. He has three seconds left to run.

"Three."

"What's wrong? Little count down to submission?"

"Two."

"You're not scaring me."

"One. Run." I charge at him and he sets off. The kid best be glad that I'm not serious now. I'm here to comfort Near which in itself is a odd reason but that's what I'm here for. I turn around to see him smiling. It's an amazing moment. One thought goes through my head. He's so cute.

"Near?"

*Giggle."Mello?" I hadn't realized at first but I'm smiling at him.

"You're cute. Come here." He walks over to me and I slam the door.

"Yes, Mello?" I give him a small peck on the lips.

"I. Like. YOU." He blinks at me. He looks confused. It's so adorable. I think I like hime best this way...

"You can't say you don't like me cause you already said you love me." I pointed that out before snuggling into his neck.

A.N. Yay for me ruining a potentially good story with my idiocy. Well, there goes my genius idea out the window. Oh well. I want you all to go to my profile and vote on my poll. You don't have to review if you vote on my poll. If you review you don't have to vote on my poll. I have good choices. It's for my next story. It'll be crime and romance. I just need the characters and that's what you would be voting on. Please review and or vote on my poll. It's on my profile which has gotten quite long. I have Near and Mello's compatibility of their signs on there along with Light and L. You don't have to read those. Please review and or vote on my poll. I beg of you. PLEASE? 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Nor Ningyou Kyuutei Gakudan or else it wouldn't end at 18 chpts.

A.N./ Something terrible is about to happen. I have just found out Ningyou Kyuutei Gakudan is going to end at eighteen chapters. My world is going to end. When the eighteenth chapter is released do not be suprised if I stop writing for a while. The little shock of it not going on forever, even though I knew it wouldn't, is enough for me not to write for days. Please review if you like or even if you feel sorry for me. That was the best damned manga I have ever read and I highly recomend it. Also, vote on my poll. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( T-T Oh, yeah this story is gonna end really soon. Like this chpt or the next... I've lost interest in it and plus it has taken a terrible turn for a being an absolutely horrible story. T-T I'm writing this at one in the morning. Actually one thirty but same difference.

I stood there letting Mello snuggle into my neck. It felt weird but a good kind of weird. Like the kind of weird I've never felt before. It was tingly and almost ghost like. I like it. I feel a shiver make it's way up my spine all the way back down to my toes and everywhere in between.

"M-mello...hah..." My voice sounds weird. I don't like it. It's weird and raspy and has a certain tone in it I can't place. I can feel a blush make it's way to my face and down to my lower areas that are private and not for others viewing pleasure. Mello lifts his head to look at me. He has a weird look in his eyes. I don't know what it is. I'm not comfortable not knowing. I don't like it.

"Near...do you want to go to the bed?" Mello's voice was huskier than usual as he spoke his question. I looked at Mello curiously. I wasn't tired. Was he?

"Only if Mello wants to." I look up at him. He grabs my hand and leads me to the bed. I sit beside him and he is looking very nervous.

"Mello?" I question to get an answer.

"Just give me a second. I've never done this before." I have no idea what he means. He's never sat on my bed before sure but why would Mello be upset about that?

"Mello." He turns to me. His blue eyes hold a sort of unasked question of what. I lean towards him a little. He seems to take that as a hint to something.

"Near..." His lips press agains't mine. It's soft and breif but Mello's confidence seems to sky rocket as a smirk plays onto his lips.

"I think we'll have a little bit of tonight, ne?" I blink at him. He brings his lips against mine again and it feels hot. Very hot. I can't breathe very well and...and...Mello's tongue is sliding at my bottom lip. I gasp at the sensation and Mello put a slippery thing into my mouth. (Not that part, yet...pervert.) It's slimy and it's rubbing against my tongue. My breaths are getting harder and harder to take.

"Nnnn..." I felt tears come to my eyes and feel Mello pulling away.

"Near? I'm sorry. I pushed you a little too far this time..." I look at him in his perfect eyes. Ironic how perfectly imperfect he is and yet he could be a god if it wasn't for me.

"I m-made a weird noise."

"Pfft!" I look at Mello. Why on Earth is he laughing?

"Mello!" I give him a glare and that throws him into a fit of laughter. (Just imagine cute little Nia giving Mello a glare... He's cute)

"Hahaha...hehe...teeeheee... I'm s-sorry... hah...It's just that you...heheeehe... are s-so cute sometimes...heheheheh!" I look at Mello laughing. He apparantly thinks my noises are funny.

"Haha. Mello is quite humorous." I can't help the bitterness in my voice as Mello sits up and pulls me back down onto the bed with him.

"Ah!" I fall beside him but he doesn't remain laying for a long amount of time. He rises and straddles my lap. I cock an eyebrow and he gets the gist.

"Don't worry, I like your noises. I wanna hear more of them." I feel heat rising to my cheeks and lowering itself to my most private of areas.

"Mello?" The name barely leaves my lips as Mello's tongue dives into my mouth exploring it's every crevice and cavern. Teasing it's way along my tongue sending shivers down my spine and up again.

"Nng!" He breaks our kiss. I look at him with an emotion I can't quite place in my eyes. Mello leans in and nips at the shell of my ear. It feels weird but kind of nice. I can feel my breath getting raggedy as he moves from my ear onto my neck and starts to nip and suck and lick at it.

"Hah...Nnn...Ah!" More weird noises leave my throat as Mello moves southward bound to my chest. His tongue slides along my nipple and I can't supress a sudden gasp of delight and suprise. He takes my bud into his mouth and begins to suck and nibble through the shirt. My head is starting to spin and I can't think straight anymore. I know I like it but it feels really weird. Mello heads down again to my pants where my private parts are. I give him a curious look.

"Relax. I'll make you feel good but first we gots to get rid of the damned clothes." He rips my shirt off and my pants are next to follow. I hear him make a sort of happy noise when he notices that I'm not wearing underwear.

"Such a naughty boy. You were waiting for this, weren't you?" Mello moves his head down and is above my dick. It doesn't look like it normally does. I've never felt like this before though. He gives the tip an expeiramental lick.

"AH! Do that again!" I'm suprised at how loud the words came out of my mouth and Mello as well until he starts smirking and takes all of it in his mouth. I throw my head back in pleasure. It's so hot and wet and goooood.

"Nn...Ng..Ahhah...Ahnn..." Weird noises keep k=coming from my mouth but at this point I don't care. I feel so good and weird and it feels so...AH!

"!" I scream his name as something leaves my dick and spills out into his mouth. I lay there panting unsure of what to do. I don't like being unsure but I'm not sure if I want to be sure. I know my mind is hazy and weird but I like it...This is good.

A.N./ Alrighty, I hope you like fruit. So, it doesn't end this chapter but it will in the next two. Please do ignore if I have said that Near knows things about sex. I don't really know if I did or not. I'm really tired. I'm going to bed. Nighty night world. Tomorrow I don't have school. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I wish I did but I don't...for now...

A.N./ Mello's point of view in this chpt. I'm probably going to end this in this chpt or the next. Most likely the next cause I kinda like this story and am a sucker for romantics. Ironically I enjoy reading tradgeys too. I like reading them to make me feel better. I'm messed up in the head... Oh wells. :) this has taken me forever to write and probably won't be very good. :( Sorry... :) Also, second lemonish lime ever so yeah... Might not even get complete.

I swallow Near's seed as it leaves his dick. It's not good but it's not bad. It's got an odd taste to it. Hard to describe. Kinda salty... I look over at Near. He's laying there panting. Easy to see that tit's his first orgasm. Makes me feel kind of special except now I have a problem that needs to be tooken care of.

"Near?" He looks up at me.

"Mello, that felt really good." He gets on his knees and crawls towards me. I can feel the blush creeping to my face as my mind imagnes him going lower on me and taking me into his petite mouth.

"Yeah..." I see his eyes travel downward. My mind has no problem sorting to perveted things.

"Uhmm, Mello?"

"Yes?" He doesn't answer but moves his head to where it's above my pants.

"Near?"

Knock knock knock...

Worst timing ever. I get up to go over to the door. I open it to reveal Roger.

"Mello, some kids have told me they were hearing weird noises coming from your room. You're not torturing Near again, are you?" I almost laughed at how wrong he was. The stupid old bastard should really get with the times.

"No." It's the one time I've told the truth to him and he probably doesn't even believe me.

"Let me see." I sigh and open the door to reveal a dressed Near sitting on the bed perfectly fine. When in the Hell did he do that? I almost let out a cry of distress.

"Mello, you just told me you liked me. I would like to do the same and confess my feelings for you if Roger were not here but I am afraid he is so I shall take my leave." Near gets off the bed and hurries past me. I bet if I was set near a fish tank right now that no one would relize I'm human.

"Oh my. Well, I'll send Linda down here to talk with you in a little while, Mello. She'll tell you all about how homosexuality is wrong. I, however, do not have the time nor patience to deal with this problem. Good day to you my little orphan." I stared after Roger with a bewildered look on my face. All I got out of his mouth was Linda, homosexuality, good day. I have a feeling that whatever the hell he said was nothing good and I really don't wanna hear it.

I went and sat on my bed. Near was just here about to do innappropriate things with me if Roger hadn't came and ruined it. Frankly, I'm glad that deflated my member. It would be creepy to do naughty things after that plus Linda was going to do something. I don't know what but it obviously involves me. Not my cup of tea.

Linda was a loud, bossy girl who never knew when to shut up. She was low in ranking and had a crush on Near when he's mine. She always wore her brownish blonde hair in pigtails and usually put on too much make up. She thought she was so grown up because she just turned thirteen. She was two years older than Near. Not right. I may be two years older than him too but that's different. He's deffinately going to be the girl in our relationship. The stupid girl should just accept that Near is mine and she can't have him. So there.

I laid down on my bed. I needed something to do for a while. Seeing as how Near isn't here, I can't very well do anything to him.

"Sigh... I need to do something!"

Knock knock knock.

I hate my door. It always starts knocking at the worst times. I get up to go see who it is.

"Linda." I open the door for her and walk calmly back to my bed.

"Roger sent me here to talk to you about how homosexuallity is wrong." I look at her. I knew nothing good could have came out of the old bastard's mouth.

"Talk, I ain't gonna litsen to a bitch like you anyways." I could feel the anger she was radiating.

"Your so... stupid! How dare you take my Near's innocents!" A flame ignited in me. HER Near.

"Your Near." She nodded.

"There is no way in hell he will ever be yours. He's mine. If you even think of touching him, I will set you on fire and video tape it for enjoyment later." I spoke the words calmly through gritted teeth. The girls didn't know how lucky she was.

"W-well, Roger said-" I cut her off.

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN OF WHAT ROGER SAID. GET THE HELL OUT NOW BEFORE I STRANGLE YOU!" I might have over did it because she ran out like there was no tomorrow. I rolled my eyes. I needed to see Near. He had some splainen to do.

I get up and walk to his room. I could hear voices from behind the door. Who the Hell?

A.N./ Okay, very short chapter. Nothing much happens here. Please review. I die without it. Please. I give you hug. You want hug. I give you lots of hugs which is saying alot since I detest physical contact. You want hug. Review. I'm not playing. I need reviews. I need them. REVIEW. 


	7. I finally figured out how to name these

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I do own my techonology chalenged self.

A.N./ Hello after forever. I doubt people are going to read this since I took way too long to update. I had nothing to do but really didn't feel like updating this. Curse me and my laziness and or procrastination. I need better things to do. That meanse that if you read this you should update. The new Mountain Dew is good. I drinkeded some. My boyfriend brought it over as an apology that he was late for our date. That was forever ago and it's one A.M. right now when I'm writing this and I can't spell worth anything right now so forgive me and please review and what not.

I sat there talking with Matt over what just happened with Mello. Ironically Matt isn't that bad of a guy. Who would have guessed he would be open and alright with things involving homosexuals. Then again, I didn't think Mello would ever like me so...

"Near!" I saw Mello burst in with an angry look on his face. My mind was confused as to what was going on. Mello was angry. Did Roger say something?

"Mello." He gave me a look of I don't know. It kind of looked hurt.

"Matt?" Mello questioned.

"Fish."

"..."

"Matt?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Anyway, Near, Roger wanted to tell me homosexuality is wrong and what not and sent Linda there to tell me that homosexuality is wrong. Oh and she likes you." I took in all of what Mello was saying and just kind of shrugged it off. No wonder he was so mad.

"Hey, Mells, I was talking to Near and since you all have told each other of your feelings finally, I figure I can tell you that I like someone and so we should all go on a double date." I looked at Matt. I never knew he liked someone. Well, I wasn't that great of friends with him either so it all makes sense.

"Oh. Alright. That's kind of outta the blue." I looked at Mello. Matt was wearing black and white, Mello was wearing black, and I was wearing white. What was he talking of that was blue?

"It's an expression."

"Oh."

"Well anyway, what were you saying Matt?"

"Just that I've gotta boyfriend and I wanna go on a double date with you two." I nodded in understanding.

"Alright, Saturday fine?"

"Yeah. I talk to him."

"By the way, Matt, who is he?" I asked my curiousity getting the better of me.

"His name's 3axap. He's ranked 12th." I nodded. I didn't particulary like that name but it was alright. I never questioned Russian names. I don't question English names either. Like my given name, Nate. It's a shortened version of Nathan but my parents didn't want to go out right and name me Nathan. They named me Nate. But then they were slaughtered by a psychopath on their way to a party. Oh well.

"Are you seme are uke?" I couldn't help but blush over hearing that. Mello had blantantly asked about the sexual positions.

"Uke."

"We could have a girl's day out..." I whispered. Matt started laughing.

"Yeah, I suppose. I can't wait for you all to meet him."

"Alright, it's late and..." Mello started speaking.

"I'll give you two your space." Matt said while leaving.

Mello walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Mihael."

"Nate." Mello looked at me seeming to understand.

"Let's go to sleep, 'kay?"

"'Kay." I climbed into bed and let Mello follow. He wrapped his arms around me. Before I knew it my dream of me and him together was becoming a reality.

A.N./ My ending was sudden and seems rushed. I wanna know if you all think I should do a chpt with Matt and 3axap. Yes, that is a name. It is a Russian name. It's pronounced zahKHAR and is spelled Zakhar in English. I looked it up. I have an idea of putting Misa and Linda in a lesbian relationship with each other. I wanna know your ideas on that too. No, Misa would not be an annoying little bitch if I wrote her. I hope I didn't disapoint you all too much with this story. I have another story I'm going to be working on really soon so... yeah. I have to work on Would You Like to Play a Game too. It's difficult writing three stories at once. I can't even read two manga at once let alone work on three stories. Please review and let me know you ideas or just private message me. I always like mail. 


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